Lavender and Roses
by Kimmy Malfoy
Summary: Iit's an AU story of events that I think could happen. Well anyway it's a story of love, loss and new hopes and lives, I like it... hope you do! UPDATED! thanks to reviewers!Chapter 3!
1. Lavender and roses

He stared at the picture, eyes blurring the image that lay before him. Their smiling faces glowed in the sunlight that filled the picture. Her hair, her eyes, her smile, it was all so familiar. He knew the woman who stood beside him in the picture. He looked happy too, holding a champagne glass, leaning toward her as she leaned back onto him. Her crossed arms suggested defiance, her smile joy, her eyes radiated love, and she was utterly perfect.

He could vividly remember that day the photograph had been taken. The morning began normally; they had shared breakfast and exchanged the ship's gossip. He could recall her laugh as he recounted a tale concerning Tom, Neelix and a chocolate craving, pregnant B'Elanna. He could almost remember that they had been scheduled to welcome some new people into the Federation. The entire morning, as he waited for the ship to arrive at its destination, had been spent with her. She had helped him with his speech- teasing him when he stumbled over words, encouraging him when he finished. She sat in his chair radiating peace and serenity, and he couldn't take his eyes off her. That afternoon was when the photo had been snapped, by a reporter from the Amon home world. He hadn't even realized they had been standing so close, but as he gazed at the photograph he thought how natural it was, how perfect they seemed to fit together.

Only now, she was dead and he was married to a beautiful red haired woman. His wife reminded him of her, everything reminded him of her.

The Christmas lights swirled around him as he reached for the frame and gingerly ran his finger along the side of her face, remembering her : her laugh, the sound of her voice the touch of her hand, all too clear in his mind. He reminisced about the times they had shared, the stories she told, the tears she shed, the love he had always felt for her.

His wife arrived with his tea, and beyond the frame he could see his children cavorting around the tree, wrapping paper flying through the air like confetti.

"Thank you Anna." he whispered to his wife, as his eyes never moved from the picture.

"Still looking at that old picture Chakotay?"

"Yes." He paused, placing the photo back on the table next to him. "I miss her."

"You say that every Christmas darling, I know you miss her."

"Do I?" He couldn't get used to fact that he was married and had children. He had always wanted a family, but as his eyes wandered back toward the photo on the table, he couldn't help but wonder if she was better than any family could be.

A young girl tugged on his hand. What a beautiful child she had become, so gracious and kind, so much like a lady. Her red curls bounced up and down as she smiled up at him. "Uncle Chakotay?" she called, climbing into his lap.

"Yes darling?"

"What were you doing?" She was always so curious and spirited, she reminded him so much of Kathryn. He watched his children following her lead and came over to him, all sitting by his feet. Anna placed her hands on his shoulders as she stood behind him, as his niece's eyes gazed up at him.

"I was remembering someone Evelyn…"

"Who?"

"An old friend."

"Is it the lady in the picture?" Anna's hands came off his shoulders and reached for Evelyn as Chakotay felt his eyes fill with years of unshed tears.

"Come along children…" Anna called as all but Evelyn followed her to the kitchen.

"Who was she?"  
"Come along Evey…"

"It's alright Anna, she should know…" Chakotay called to his wife. "She was my best friend, and the most wonderful woman I have ever known. Strong willed and tenacious, yet kind and loving. After your mother died, she took you in as her own; she raised you for as long as she could, before she…" He took a deep breath as Evelyn's eyes shown with tears. "She got really sick Evey, and I haven't seen her in a long time…" He tried to numb the pain he felt, but as a tear fell down Evelyn's cheek, his heart ache returned.

"Didn't she love me?" her little voice filled with tears.

"Very much, but she couldn't stay here…" She stared at the picture, running her fingers along the woman's cheek.

"I don't remember her much… just lavender, I remember lavender. She smelled like lavenders and roses." Picking up the picture, he shifted Evelyn in his lap and began his story.

"Her name was Kathryn, and she was the captain of a starship called Voyager…"


	2. Happiness

Authors Note: for those of you who reviewed thank you!!!! And thanks to my friend Martine who gave me some feedback before I even posted it! Thanks Martine! J Anyway- there is more to the story than what I gave you… like maybe five- six years earlier, as seen here…

Ten Years Earlier…

"Congratulations!" Kathryn nearly yelled at her view screen. "I can't believe you're going to be a mother!"

"I can't either Kathryn; it's all so sudden…"

"O Phoebe, I'm delighted for you, is it a boy or girl? Do you know? What are you going to name it? "

"Calm down Kat, you seem more excited about this baby than I am."

"Aren't you delighted Phoebe?"

"Well of course, I just wish Eric was here…"

"I'm sorry Phoebe… but just think how wonderful things will be with a child. You won't be so lonely anymore."  
"True…" All of a sudden her comm. badge beeped.

"Phoebe, I hate to do this, but I have to get back to the bridge, good luck, and tell me all about everything!"  
"Everything?"  
"Everything." Kathryn looked into her sisters tear- filled eyes.

"Before you go Kathryn- it's a girl." Smiling Phoebe ended the transmission.

A huge grin spread across her face as she walked onto the bridge. She was going to be an aunt. She couldn't believe it. As she sat in her chair she started to giggle. Harry Kim was the first to look in her direction, then Tom Paris and finally Chakotay. "Captain?" her first officer spoke as she tried to suppress her laughter. "Are you alright?"

"Quite alright Commander." He looked at her quizzically as she grabbed his arm. "I'm going to be an aunt!" she burst out it laughter, having revealed her new discovery.

"Congratulations Kathryn…" he smiled at her as she quelled her laughter and looked up at Tuvok.

"Well then Lieutenant, let's get back to business. Report please." Still grinning, she listened to Tuvok's tactical analysis.

He watched as she stretched out on her couch, tossing a padd onto the floor.

"I think, Chakotay, that it's time we called it an evening. We've been working on these systems analyses all evening…"

"Yes, and you've already had six cups of coffee…"  
"That's the only reason I'm awake." He laughed as she faked a snore and nearly fell off the couch. "O, Kathryn, I never got the chance to ask you about your sister, how is she doing?"  
"She misses Eric, but I think the baby will do her good. You know, take her mind off his death."

"It must be so hard for her."  
"Yes." Kathryn sighed, thinking about her sister, all alone, left to raise her niece, who in all likelihood would never know her. "I wish I could be there, for her and my niece."  
"Your spirit is with her Kathryn."  
"My spirit?" She sat up and looked over at Chakotay, who had moved closer to her, and now sat on the table in front of her. Taking her hand, he smiled and kissed it. "Your wonderful spirit, your energy, your love, everything. You'll be with them, just as you are on Voyager now."

"Chakotay-" she murmured as he pulled her into an embrace.

"Congratulations Auntie Kathy." Reaching behind her she swung at him with a couch pillow.

"That sounds so old. Don't say that."

"Fine, next time I'll just call you grandma…"

"I hate you…"  
"Sure." He grinned as he ruffled her hair in an almost childlike gesture.

"Get out…" she laughed, overjoyed at the new found level of comfort she now shared with her first officer.

"You wouldn't kick your fiancé out of the room would you?"

"No, you just get to sleep on the couch, you big oaf."

"All by myself?"

"Yep." Laughing she ran into her bed chambers. He got up and followed, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

She watched as he slept peacefully as she dressed for her morning shift. Things were so wonderful now, she was engaged, her sister was having a baby, and they were traveling in a mostly peaceful part of Delta Quadrant. She remembered Chakotay's words to her a few months ago, when she had found out that Phoebe's husband, and Mark had both died on a small planet where they were working.

_The tears were falling down her face as she looked up at him. "I can't believe he's gone Chakotay." _

_"It's alright" he had whispered as he rubbed her back. "Be strong Kathryn…"_

_"I can't anymore Chakotay…" Her released her from his embrace and held her at arms length away from him. His voice dropped to an intense whisper. _

_"Kathryn, we have put this off long enough, I can't stand it anymore." She looked at him, confused at his outburst. _

_"Chakotay, I don't know what to say."  
"Just tell me the truth."  
"The truth?"_

_"Yes Kathryn, the truth…" Shaking she pulled him closer to her as she realized just what he was asking her to say. With all her courage she managed to tell him. _

_"I love you." She whispered, tears welling up in her eyes. "I have for the last ten years, and I always will." He pulled her toward him and held her close and her tears dampened his shirt. Releasing her from his embrace he held her hands against his chest. "And I love you." _

And now, she basked in his love, his embrace, and she knew she could never be happier.


	3. Remember me

Author's Note: Keep in mind; this is totally AU- my universe, my rules! Thanks for the reviews! Don't forget to keep reviewing! Thanks to all who have! I decided to skip ahead a few years to Evelyn and Chakotay remembering stuff. Don't get confused, this is just a little intermediary chapter to explain some things.

He held his niece in his lap, as she looked up at him, her eyes wide and full of tears.

"Do you miss her Uncle Chakotay?"

"Kathryn?" Evelyn nodded her head as she looked up at her cousins, playing with their Christmas gifts.

"What happened to my mommy?" she asked, taking hold of his sweater and leaning against his chest.

"It's a long story- I don't think you're ready to hear about it."

"Please?"

"Some other time Evelyn." His tone became terse and she relinquished her grasp of his sweater and slid off his lap.

As she stood, staring at the Christmas tree, she quickly shut her eyes. There she was, her mother. If she closed her eyes, she could see her. Her mother's long brown hair, her smile and her eyes filled her memory. A small smile formed on her mouth as she let the few memories she had of her mother take over her mind. Chakotay looked at his little niece, so small, yet so strong. Just like Kathryn, and Phoebe.

He remembered how thrilled Kathryn had been when Evelyn was born. How her eyes sparkled with tears as she held her niece in her arms. He loved the way she smiled up at him and whispered little endearments into Evelyn ears. All Kathryn's worries seemed to melt away as she held the baby; she was at peace with the child in her arms. He whished so many times that Evelyn was his daughter, his and Kathryn's, that way he would have a piece of her with him, always. But now all he had was a photograph and the necklace that Evelyn wore.

Evelyn's hands found the necklace that hung around her neck, and as she traced the outline of the heart pendant, she found a small clasp. Her eyes flew open and she quickly fumbled with the little hinge. The heart split in half to reveal two pictures: one of a man and woman she didn't know and one of her uncle and a really pretty lady. She looked over her shoulder at her uncle who sat in his chair, gazing at the Christmas tree.

"Uncle Chakotay?"

"Yes Evelyn?" he answered as she walked toward him and sat on his lap. She took the necklace off her neck and gave it to him. "Who are these people?" she pointed to the picture of the man and woman on the left.

"The lady is your mother, Phoebe. And the man, he's your father, Eric."

"Who's the lady next to you?"

"That's Kathryn."  
"She's pretty."

"Yes she is." Chakotay tore his gaze away from the picture and sighed.

"I wish I knew them, I wish they knew me."  
"They know you Evelyn, they know you."

"Do you miss Kathryn?" he ran a hand through his hair.

"Yes."

"Dinner!" Anna called from the hallway. All the children sprang up from their spots on the floor and Evelyn hopped off Chakotay's lap. "Come on Uncle Chakotay! It's time for Christmas dinner!" He rose slowly from his chair and looked out the window and up at the stars. "Merry Christmas Kathryn."

_"If I never knew you  
If I never felt this love  
I would have no inkling of  
How precious life can be"- Pocahontas _


End file.
